quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
