why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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