White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize