I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
