she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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