i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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