I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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