who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
