And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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