the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
