What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
