There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize