You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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