is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
