Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
