Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
