just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
