I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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