Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
