Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
