shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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