he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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