I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
