Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
