i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
