Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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