i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
