at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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