apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
