Pants 0. Shit 1.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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