If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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