Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
