Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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