one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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