No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
