Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am midnight drunk by noon
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
