If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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