I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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