Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
