We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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