And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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