I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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