Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
