Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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