How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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