time to smoke my breakfast
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
