R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
