im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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