dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
