It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
