she was so not down for the gang bang
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize