Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
