You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
