You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
