Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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