you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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