i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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