She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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