we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
