I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
