Buhtt sex?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
