Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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