Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
