Someone shit on the floor
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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