I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
