I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
