My hand turned me down
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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