I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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