You can't special order awesome
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
