It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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