Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
