She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
