Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
