Soap is not a condiment
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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