Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
