Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize