24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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