i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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