Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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