we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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