This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
