she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize