Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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