just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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