I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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