i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
