she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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