they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
