Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
