i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
