Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
