what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
