Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
