I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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