found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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