Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
