There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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