i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
