I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
