My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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