That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
