If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
