Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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