The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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